Though your butt does look good in those jeans

People ask for criticism, but they only want praise.

  - W. Somerset Maugham

 

 

 

Remember to spread my quote:

“Fruit from the same tree isn’t always as sweet”

Bachelorette - Istanbull shish

I was certain it was either going to be Roberto or Justin that was the infidelitous (coining that word) one.  I loved the drama, but Justin turned out be such a pussy when he was confronted.  I wish he had stood up, looked her in the eyes and said, “of course I’m here for myself.  This is REALITY TELEVISION, we are literally one step removed from ‘For the Love of Ray J’.  You’re submitting your entire life to intense judgment from millions of scrutinizing viewers – AGAIN!  You can’t tell me this is all about love for you, ever consider speed dating?  What are the chances you’ll actually marry the winner of this contest… 1 in 10?  You’d get better odds ordering your man from Uzbekistan.”  And finish with, “Rated R out.”

The dates:

Ty: I don’t believe Ali has strong romantic feelings for Ty; though he got a really tough draw following the Justin confront.  They were 85% skin in a centuries old steam room that was ornate and romantic -and there really didn’t seem to be much chemistry.  Then he really tripped up when explaining why his marriage didn’t work.  You don’t explain to a girl who recently walked away from ‘The Bachelor’ for a career opportunity; that your ex-wife doomed your marriage by wanting to have a job.  Though his biggest mistake was asking Ali: “What is it about me that you like?”  No, no, no.  Reeks of insecurity.  Ali then answered with this simple phrase that really sums up the whole show, “I’m really just looking for a feeling.”

Frank: They have really good chemistry, but he is annoyingly moody.  I think it’s his to lose.

Craig R: Poor Craig is so clueless.  He’s funny and likeable, but out of touch with his situation.  Getting the one-on-one date was the worst thing that could’ve happened to him.  He had lasted this long because he was the entertainer and he kept things fun and light.  Ali never saw him as a legitimate dating option; which is why he was never selected for a solo date.  By forcing his hand into a one-on-one, he forced her to recognize there was really nothing there.  Funny is good, but sometimes it needs to have a little edge (back and forth), or you get relegated as the entertainer.  He said to the camera, “there is never an awkward moment of silence.” What he left out was, “because I never stopped talking.”  I knew he was going home.

Love Joel McHale (even though he’s a Husky) – wish Ray J would get trapped in a Foreman Grill.

My Power Ratings:

1.  Frank
2. Roberto – she digs her some Roberto
3. Chris – got a quick rose without really being involved this week
4. Kirk – I can’t really get a read on how she feels about him
5. Ty

By the way, I was right last week.

The Bachelorette - From the Newer of York to the Land the Bjork

Spoiler Alert: watch this week’s episode before you read this.

Before I get started, I have to rant: The host of this show is superfluous and annoying.  I would pay good money to see an octagon death-match between Chris Harrison and Jeff Probst – and I would cheer for Jeff Probst.

I’m really glad that tattoo boy was the first to go home tonight.   He perpetually made me cringe; so I can only imagine the uncomfortable effect he had on Ali.  By the way, what a painfully long flight home that must’ve been for ‘Kreepy’ Kasey and Chris ‘I’m a dial tone’ N.  I wonder if they sat next to each other.

I watched the unveiling of the wrist tattoo sequence like 7 times, and it actually went over better than I thought it would.  I believe this is because Ali is a sweet and polite girl; and ABC may have trimmed her response so as not to tip her cap too much.  How in the fiery hell could he have thought that permanent expression of bad judgment was going to help his cause?  If my wife surprised me on our 35th wedding anniversary with my name tattooed on her butt, I’d be like “that had better be Henna.  Otherwise you just narrowed your future prospects to Derrick, Roderick and that guy who sings “Never Gonna Give You Up”.”

My Power Ratings:

1. Frank
2. Roberto
3. Kirk
4. Chris L
5. Ty
6. Justin
7. Craig R

David Blaine: What Is Magic?

Watched his new (it’s actually about two months old) program on the Travel Channel tonight, and he is amazing again.  The holding your breath, or not eating stunts have never been that interesting to me; but his tricks in public are super cool.  I truly believe that his greatest trick will someday be admitting that he has actually been David Schwimmer all along.

Bobby ‘frickin’ Flay

Bobby Flay, who is ridiculously awesome, just scored 59 out of a possible 60 points on Iron Chef America.  Other than losing one incredibly subjective point for plating – he was perfect!  Holy Shmoly

 

“Yes, my immersion blender is bigger than yours”

The Bachelorette – Lion King edition

Just getting around to watching this week’s episode – I use my DVR more than I use my microwave (a lot more).

This show fascinates me because it’s like a real-time experiment in attraction and – well repulsion. These guys are all handsome successful dudes, yet many of them have no idea what they’re doing.  It’s not their fault; the ones that are seriously faltering are trying to live out every conceivable Hollywood love story stereotype.  

The biggest take-away from today’s (Monday’s) episode is: writing, or even just singing a romantic song for someone you barely know is not not not suave (I believe this holds true for writing or reciting poetry as well).  At best she will think you are a little cheesy, and at worst – creepy.  This you want to avoid; because once a girl decides you are creepy there is almost nothing you can do to recover (trust me I’ve done the research). I think this compulsion to serenade, stems from the haunting immortality of Lloyd Dobler hoisting a boom box over his head and blaring Peter Gabriel in a last ditch, ‘remember this?’ moment. Which, by the way, didn’t even work in the movie. Fast forward 16 years to find Ashton Kutcher playing his electric guitar and trying to sing Bon Jovi in what amounted to an awkwardly touching scene – and you can understand why guys would think this was generally a good idea.

This is why guys have it so tough – the romantic ideal is not really… ideal. 

 

 

 

Because RDV cares

Don’t bother with “Did You Hear About the Morgans?”, seriously – seriously.  I honestly can’t think of anyone that will enjoy this movie –well maybe fans of the first Twilight film (you know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourselves).  That is all.

Now watching

 

If you got rid of the show Unwrapped and anything about cakes; I could spend a week’s vacation watching the Food Network.

At least I think I’m funny

I filled out the RSVP card for the culmination event of my boss’s daughter’s betrothal today.  Like I said – I think I’m funny.

 

I thought about putting some arbitrary number like 12, but was worried it might confuse them.

Will effing Smith

I watched “The Pursuit of Happyness” last night.

Three quick thoughts:

1. How the hell did Will Smith become such a good actor? This is the same guy that was plastic and awkward in the first “Bad Boys”? The freaking “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” – really? I realize this isn’t a starling revelation; he’s been taken very seriously since he played Ali in 2001, and was actually pretty good in 1998’s “Enemy of the State”. Is it just natural progression? Why didn’t it happen to Keanu Reeves, or the cast of Friends (with the exception of Matthew Perry - sorta)?

2. What a great movie. The fact that I knew the story and how it would end did not prevent me from weeping openly.

3.I’m always weary of “based on a true story,” but even if half the events in this movie are true; Chris Gardner overcame more setbacks than Russell Crowe’s character in Gladiator. Next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself – watch this movie!

'yo homes smell ya later'

The Bachelorette – it’s like a protracted Elimidate

I admit that I kind of enjoy watching the Bachelorette (not so much the Bachelor). And contestant Jonathan, the “Weatherman,” is not into girls. He is gayer than Lance Bass and Richard Hatch’s bastard love child. I take absolutely no issue with his true orientation; but his being on the show is an absolute ruse.

Update: he was SUPER excited to be on a Broadway stage.

Adventures in the City

Saturday was bright, blue and balmy; so I jumped on my bicycle on decided to get lost.  Driving along the bay, I ended up at an amazing little park named Carkeek. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carkeek_Park

If you find yourself with some free-time and some sun, pack a lunch and go explore this beautiful little escape.

Friday for thought

I bit into my freshly cleaved grapefruit and felt a mild flood of disappointment, and hoped the rest of the recently purchased 10# bag was sweeter and firmer than this one was. Whenever you buy a large quantity of a perishable item, you are accepting that you’re probably not going be eating all of that item. And though I always take it as a challenge to finish the fruit or vegetable before the mold does – I almost never succeed. Which left me hoping that the rest of the batch was better than the initial one. “If I’m gonna throw it away, it had better be good.”

This leads me to my newest saying (feel free to use it for siblings, relatives, or maybe even classmates):

‘Fruit from the same tree isn’t always as sweet’

- RIck Venables

The best thing to ever come out of Jessica Simpson

 

I will always “secretly” like this song.

Crazy Heart

So this movie has been sitting on my shelf, pretty much since it was first released on video.  I had to place a temporary moratorium on sad/too real movies until I was back to my regular happy Rick self. 

I watched it tonight, and it really is a very good movie.  The terrific cast all put in really strong performances, except for the incomparable Robert Duvall.  I don’t know what was wrong with him in this movie, but I got the impression that he really wanted to punch Jeff Bridges in the throat (they were supposed to be best friends in the film).  Bridges was perfect, Gyllenhaal was too, Colin Farrell was even really good, but I just never bought Duvall’s character. I hate to think that the great Robert Duvall has lost some heat on his fastball – maybe I just missed it. 

If you’ve seen so much as a preview; you know this movie is about second chances and redemption.  Similar to the previous year’s “The Wrestler,” redemption was the theme:  Redemption of love, life, purpose and  soul.  This seems to be a very popular theme in movies and books lately, and I think it’s largely because of the economic and political state of this country.

We, Americans, have great national pride, even if we don’t like to admit it (ahem – Seattle), and I think we genuinely believe this current economic and political (ahem – George W) downturn is only a temporary setback.  We root for redemption, as we believe it is inevitable. 

Of course we also seem to be fascinated with Zombie infestation lately; so maybe we believe that’s coming as well.