Episode 1: Things girls worry about more than guys do

A few years ago I dated a tall, attractive, intelligent and considerably low maintenance lovely young lady. One day she arrived at my door with blatantly red and impractically long lady claws. An alteration I only noticed because they were purposely wielded in front of my ruggedly handsome, yet indefensible face.

Because this seemed like an impractical (she sat at a computer all day) and uncharacteristic (she was much more of the naturally pretty ilk) modification; I inquired at her motivation. She explained that she had caught me checking-out some girl whose nails were "done." I have no idea who the girl with the salon-ed up nails was, or if I was in fact checking her out. But I can tell you with certainty that if the alleged checking-out did occur, it was in no way related to the ornateness of her fingernails. This is probably the 114th thing guys will notice on a girl. Truly. That said, if you have a creepy fungus or an infected hangnail... we might notice and you should probably go see a doctor. Otherwise, know that time and money spent on your nails is only appreciated by you... and other girls (who actually do notice).

And yes the whole Alanis Morissette fingernails down your back thing; is occasionally sexy. But for this particular epidermis extracting exercise, we really don't care if your nails are red, white or bedazzled.

Just thought you should know.